Testosterone Poisoning

I just keep getting bigger. Mostly my shoulders. Shirts keep splitting on me. Right down the center of my back. They fit perfectly last year. The hair loss is pretty apparent to pretty much everyone these days. What I’m lacking on my head, I make up for in various other places. First my neck. Thats a good question huh? When does it go from facial hair to body hair? Then weird patches on the tops of my triceps. I would say for the last 4 years or so, I’ve gained 5 pounds per year… Not fat pounds either. Im sure some of its fat, but the mirror is probably the best judge, and I still don’t look like a lard ass. Its just me, but 5 pounds heavier. Kinda a sexy gorilla look. I suppose its to be expected. When I started in the oil patch, I lost the freshman 15 and got lean. When I went full time on the ranch the hay bales just became another part of life. Upper body just keeps blowing up. When I took up farriery, my quads, calves, and forearms blew up. My pee dribbles at the end now. I looked it up. Its most likely benign growth of the prostate. Happens to all men to some extent. Just usually in their mid thirties. Not late 20s… Its not just me either. I don’t trust women to tell the truth. They will say whatever they think is going to flatter you. No, its guys who will let you know. When it happens twice in the same week, you know something is up.

“Dude, you’re getting… Big…”

“Yes, I know. Theres all sorts of other fun things that come with it.”

“Hey, man. How much do you bench?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You don’t even lift?”

“Nope.”

I get so horny I can’t see straight. I see stories about some men waiting 2, 3 dates before pulling the trigger. I don’t do that. We either fuck tonight, or Ill find someone that will. Probably a lot or factors contributing to this hormonal abundance. Clean water, grandmas meaty crew cookin, Lots of hard labor in the great outdoors, a dominant personality… Id say on the whole, its been a net positive. To hell with the prostate thingy. Not a big deal.

Then every year we sell the old bulls. We call em “baloney bulls” cause thats pretty much all they’re good for. They have big shoulders too. They poor old boys just never knew when to stop putting on meat. Muscle bound. Can hardly move their heads. Testicles the size of miniature water melons… Hundreds of children sired, and now they’re shot. Feet are bad. Used up. At seven years old…

I feel for ya, ya cranky old bastards…

Testosterone poisoning aint all fun and games…

 

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