Testosterone Poisoning

I just keep getting bigger. Mostly my shoulders. Shirts keep splitting on me. Right down the center of my back. They fit perfectly last year. The hair loss is pretty apparent to pretty much everyone these days. What I’m lacking on my head, I make up for in various other places. First my neck. Thats a good question huh? When does it go from facial hair to body hair? Then weird patches on the tops of my triceps. I would say for the last 4 years or so, I’ve gained 5 pounds per year… Not fat pounds either. Im sure some of its fat, but the mirror is probably the best judge, and I still don’t look like a lard ass. Its just me, but 5 pounds heavier. Kinda a sexy gorilla look. I suppose its to be expected. When I started in the oil patch, I lost the freshman 15 and got lean. When I went full time on the ranch the hay bales just became another part of life. Upper body just keeps blowing up. When I took up farriery, my quads, calves, and forearms blew up. My pee dribbles at the end now. I looked it up. Its most likely benign growth of the prostate. Happens to all men to some extent. Just usually in their mid thirties. Not late 20s… Its not just me either. I don’t trust women to tell the truth. They will say whatever they think is going to flatter you. No, its guys who will let you know. When it happens twice in the same week, you know something is up.

“Dude, you’re getting… Big…”

“Yes, I know. Theres all sorts of other fun things that come with it.”

“Hey, man. How much do you bench?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You don’t even lift?”


I get so horny I can’t see straight. I see stories about some men waiting 2, 3 dates before pulling the trigger. I don’t do that. We either fuck tonight, or Ill find someone that will. Probably a lot or factors contributing to this hormonal abundance. Clean water, grandmas meaty crew cookin, Lots of hard labor in the great outdoors, a dominant personality… Id say on the whole, its been a net positive. To hell with the prostate thingy. Not a big deal.

Then every year we sell the old bulls. We call em “baloney bulls” cause thats pretty much all they’re good for. They have big shoulders too. They poor old boys just never knew when to stop putting on meat. Muscle bound. Can hardly move their heads. Testicles the size of miniature water melons… Hundreds of children sired, and now they’re shot. Feet are bad. Used up. At seven years old…

I feel for ya, ya cranky old bastards…

Testosterone poisoning aint all fun and games…




Im actually kind of glad my blog is no longer appearing on the aggregator site. I admit, there was a time when it was really nice to have an audience. It was also extremely fun to watch my influence creep into the minds of others and steer the dialogue where I saw fit. But, this is my blog… I didn’t start it to become famous. If I ever do become famous, I would like it to be because of my music. While I appreciate being put on the aggregator, I never actually asked to be there. Now that Im off, I feel a little more comfortable posting things of a little more personal nature. A couple of minor things Ive noticed that I want nothing to do with anymore

No more killing. Sounds weird coming from a cattle rancher and all around carnivore no? Well, I was lifting the bottom bales from the stackyard during winter feeding. Field mice live underneath all the stacks on this ranch. They chew the strings and make the hay useless for transport. As they skittered around my feet, I remembered my father telling me a story. He said he and his brothers would have a competition to see how many the could skewer on the ends of the bale hooks. I casually lifted my foot and crushed the life out of one. As the life left him I felt a little sick. See, its not that I’m squeamish… I just realized that I had no justifiable reason for killing that creature. Murdering him wouldn’t bring the strings of the hay bales back. It was cruel, and completely uncalled for. Ive started slowing down for rabbits too. Let them get off the road. Most of my life I would just keep speed and not swerve. More often then not, all you have to do is nothing to turn them into marinara. But I realized, hey, I’m really not in that big of a hurry. Does this mean Im going to become a vegan and join PETA? Well as the magic 8 ball is so fond of saying, “Ask again later.” You see death is intricately intertwined with life. Is it fair to a blade of grass when a cow cuts it off at the dirt? Is it fair to the crippled gazelle when the cheetah effortlessly snaps its neck? Is it fair to the defenseless caterpillar when the parasitic wasp lays its eggs inside him to eat him from the inside?


Thats just life. Organisms kill each other when they need to. When they need to. So, while I’m just another animal, and one designed to eat other animals at that, I don’t see any reason to frivolously end their time in this existence prematurely without a legitimate reason to. Working around animals all day I can assure you. They have personalities and souls just like we do. They may not be as developed as we are, but they are on their way.

No more sarcasm. This one, in my opinion, is a little more insidious. I think its an offhand effect of how complex the english language is. Nuanced. If you do it just right, you can leave the recipient wondering just what the hell is actually going through your head. Besides its passive aggressive nature, thats ultimately why I’ve deemed it to have no real place in my speaking from now on. Sarcasm is fundamentally dishonest and deceptive. Is he saying what he means? Or the opposite of what he means? Heres a fucking novel idea… Why don’t everybody just say what the fuck they actually mean? I guess it comes from trying to be more genuine all around. A few days ago I told the hand I’ve worked with for the last few years that I appreciated all of his hard work up till now. Ive started (occasionally) telling my parents that I love them. I do. They are in their sixties now and I want them to know they mean a lot to me.

I can’t say I never fall back into old habits. Especially when I’m pissed off. But, Ive realized that I’m probably in this for the long haul. Theres definitely some longevity in my family, and shit… If I’m gonna make it another 60 years…

I gotta cut out some of the bullshit.