Another sleepless night.
Vermin crawling under my skin.
Gruesome death of friends and family played on a loop.
Even during the day… The voices… Never relenting…
“Worthless shit”
“Fucking Faggot”
“They just put up with you, they don’t really love you.”
I kneeled on my bed. Hands clasped. Head bowed. I needed an answer.
“God… Why do you torture me?”
Then, as easy as that, like a soap bubble popping the answer came.
“Because I love you.”
Sure doesn’t feel like it…
IMGrody 
Cool.
But think further. If he loves you, why does he torture you?
Because it is what you need and want, whether you are conscious of it or not. It is the experience you signed up for and it will stop feeling like god is torturing you when you become honest enough to admit that you may actually desire the torture, for whatever reason.
Take me. What do I want? I want to be a badass motherfucker. Well, guess what gets you there. Resistance and love of pain. How do you get that? Simple, is it not.
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The story is not over. It gets really weird.
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I sure hope it does. I feel quite a similarity betwen the two of us. Aside from you being better with girls.But who really gives a damn, eh? Girls bring relief, not peace. Curious how this will go on.
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