Lightning Round

Ive been heading to the hay field at 6 am for the last week and a half. There is just enough light to get some hay stacking done. I like to watch the red yellow sliver creep up over the hills and start to steam the dew off the bales. I don’t like to sit on them when they are wet or they give me wicked swamp ass. Of course, the point of an early morning start is to be done by the time the 90 degree weather rolls around at 1 pm or so. A few days ago, a girl popped into my head. Sage. She is a waitress at my favorite sushi restaurant in town. I thought it was weird that I was thinking of her, as I had no particular reason to…

Well, The stacking went well. When its not hotter than the hubs of hell I can easily outrun the rest of the haying crew. As I was finishing my last haystack lightning started flashing. It struck 6 miles away in our neighbors field. Then 3 miles away… It occurred to me that I was the highest object for miles around, and I decided to skip the last couple of loads in favor of not dying. The rain started. We weren’t going to work tomorrow…

I returned to my quaint house nestled in a grove of golden willows, ready for a well earned shower. Flash. BOOM. Power out. Without power water pumps don’t work all that great, but they can retain a little bit of pressure. I took my towel and soap down to my grandparents house, set up an aluminum ladder, and propped the garden hose up in it to get my damn shower. Luckily nobody decided to drive down the road for that 5 minutes or so.

Well, the option to go to town had basically been decided for me. Reading a book by flashlight is always an option, but I had been stacking hay for the last 7 hours. I was pumped. Bulging muscles and full of testosterone. Time to try and get laid. I popped 6 grams of kratom (don’t ask me what kind, I just stir them all together) and 2 grams of phenibut, dressed in my wigger best, and was on my merry way.

All the kratom didn’t quite do the trick getting me jacked up so a quad shot latte with vanilla syrup was in order. Now we’re talkin. Strolling my happy ass down main street. I don’t expect anything. I just let it come to me. Who should I see about to enter a rooftop bar? Why none other than my favorite waitress, Sage… With some guy… Shit. I explained to her that I would meet her on top of the roof after I was done with my coffee. And, after examining some firearms at a shop next door, thats exactly what happened.

I had a couple of beers. Im not afraid of alcohol but I am watchful of it. Fear, is the mind killer, however, if I never get drunk again in my entire life, that would be alright with me. When Sages male companion went to settle up the tab, we had a word and I admitted that she had popped into my head for no apparent reason. She confessed that the same had happened to her in reverse. She thought she would never see me again because of a change in the restaurant location. I asked her…

“Do you ever think that theres more going on than most people realize?”

“What do you mean?”

*Grody points to the the center of Sages forehead, then slowly, meaningfully brings his finger to the center of his own

“I don’t know… This last year… Im starting to realize some things… There could be so many universes. We don’t even know about… anything. Have you ever thought that?”

“Haha… I realized all this years ago…”

“I feel so dumb.”

“Hey, don’t. Honestly, you’re ahead of most people.”

When her companion came back I brazenly took her number in front of him. He stroked her stomach in an intimate way, and they were gone.

Well, well… Back to square one. The weather was much nicer down south, and I was buzzed, so I decided to scan the bars from the street to see where I had the best chances. I was looking through the window to a tavern when the girl sitting on the bench in front of me took her earbuds out.

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t say anything to you.”


Game on.

I sat down next to her and started jabbering. I really hate the jabber stage but I guess its necessary. I learned she was a musician. More importantly I learned that she was talking with strange men on online dating sites. It became apparent that this girl was extremely shy. Shy and submissive. Skinny too. Like really thin. Not unhealthy thin, but definitely one of the willowiest girls Ive ever spoken to. I admonished her for never making eye contact. Time to teach her a little game.

As the folks walked up and down the street I would boisterously say “Hiya folks!” or “How is your night going, Ladies?” She was having fun with it so I suggested she try it. Nope… Couldn’t do it. Well, I had had enough of the bench so I told her we were going on a walk. She started to walk ahead of me, so I asked her what the big hurry was. Admitting she didn’t know, I was able to grab her hand and loop her elbow around mine. It became obvious I was going to have to push things a little.

As we walked arm in arm her hand eventually slipped upward to feel my biceps and triceps. We kept passing the bars in town and eventually I suggested that we get a drink. She said she didn’t drink… Didn’t drink, or couldn’t get past the door… Im betting it was the second. Instead of alcohol we went into a gas station and I told her she could go hog wild and get anything she wanted. I chose a green apple Rockstar (delicious by the way) and she chose… A blueberry, cream soda with Shaquiel O’ Neil on the can. We drank our sodas at a table outside Dairy Queen. I went for the kiss but she avoided me and giggled. As I stroked her back, held her hand and copped a couple feels of her tiny ass, I learned all about her broken home, guy troubles, and another useful tidbit, that she liked tricked out, jacked up, pickup trucks.

Well it was her lucky day.

We walked back downtown and I told her that I wanted to show her my latest song. Once she was in the truck I took off and started driving around town showing her my favorite electronic tunes. I try to use songs with primarily female vocalists, as I believe it has a calming effect for women. A sort of subconscious thing where they think theres another female in the room with them. After we stopped at a gas station to pee, I decided to pull the trigger and take her to the reservoir.

I must admit, I really liked this girls company. I breathed a sigh of relief when she told me her twin brother was in the marines. That, after all, means she was at least 18, so I’m clear on that front. I followed the winding canyon road all the way to the parking lot at the dam. I took a blanket that I had to rescue from my crazy ex’s house and we sat on a concrete table and watched one of the most spectacular lightning shows Ive ever seen.

All the while I was breaking down boundaries. I put my hand down her booty shorts and found hardwood floors. Finally, finally I got the kiss close. We went back to the truck and I proceed to take her clothes off. She probably said “No” fifty times. But then she would keep kissing and caressing me. It became a little game to her. “no, no, no, hee, hee, hee…”

I pushed the passenger seat all the way down and finally pulled off her shorts and pulled her thong aside. I put her on top so there could be no confusion on who was fucking whom. Before it got steamy, I put on one of my favorite albums. Coincidentally its about one of the best sex albums ever.

I lasted for 75% of the album before I had to pull out. I dropped her off at her dads house. 

Maybe I’ll see her again. Maybe not.

Ive got a hay crop to put up.


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