The Bastard Spawn Chronicles: Chapter 4 Sordid History

As Catherine and I got to know each other better it became rather obvious that her bag was short of a few marbles. You know, not playing with a full deck… Had a few bats in the belfry. I know I’m the one with a plate in my head, but she was definitely the one with a screw loose. I couldn’t help myself. It was just too entertaining. Here I was, getting awesome sloppy sex on the reg, and I got to witness a new soap opera every day.

1st child – When she was 18 she had an adulterous affair with a married man. This man impregnated her and told her to take a hike. So she did. Now she was stuck with a newborn with epilepsy and mild retardation. An unfortunate side effect of squeezing the child through much too small hips. She figured she needed a husband, so she married some guy as soon as she could. Well that marriage ended in annulment when she came home early from work to find her homoerotic best friend fucking her new husband in the ass. Classic. I find it rather hypocritical, to say the least because she used to tell me stories from when her mom had her committed to the mental institution; of being a regular little pussy muncher. Homosex for me, but not for thee. She told me that women never counted for her notch count. For what its worth though, that girl is only mildly slow and dose’t have a mean bone in her entire body. Just a real good kid.

2nd child – Give it a couple of years and she got back to hanging around her old high school boyfriend. You know, the guy she was fucking while her dutiful beta orbiter bought her all sorts of shit and pledged his undying love for her. This guy was a chronic weed smoker and local drug dealer. Whoops-a-daisy pregnant again. I guess they disappeared for a couple months and drove to Oklahoma… or some weird place, and didn’t tell anyone where they were or what they were doing. She would routinely mention some possession she used to have and then say that Rick stole it once upon a time. That poor ole commemorative stamp collection. Rick needed a new bag of weed! This kid is definitely the smartest, and definitely the most bratty. She is already learning a bunch of manipulative bullshit from her mother. But truth be told, she was my favorite. A goofy personality and sharp wit. I could tell that she was going to grow up to be an 8 or a 9. Shame that she will probably ruin her life with her own powerful sexuality, just like her mom.

3rd child – After roaming the sexual wilderness for a few more years she finally met a man dumb enough to marry her and adopt her two girls. She managed to swallow her blatant misandry long enough to get this narcissistic alcoholic under her sirens sway. He was a ranch hand for the coke brothers. She finally got what she wanted. To be a house wife. From what I can piece together, he figured out early on that he never wanted to be around her and would spend all his free time out doors. If he could manage it, he would fuck other women. I guess the real reason he adopted the two girls was because his first wife had aborted two of his daughters that he sired. I know… True insanity. Can’t make this stuff up. I can tell he was a pretty sharp dude though because his son was intelligent. He had an innate knowledge of engineering he told me all about electricity and how it worked without using any of the proper words. Like he had just figured it out by grace.

4th child – The hate filled marriage dragged on for 10 years. Catherine became a devout Churchian; collecting many plaques. She would focus on all the parts of christianity that would absolve her of responsibility and you know, magically give her shit. Her husband would spend all his time working and fucking other women just to avoid her. I can see why, because once a relationship with her has gotten a little stale every word out of her mouth is just an invitation to beat the daylights out of her. I never quite got that upset because I really viewed her as a sideshow amusement. Well one day she decides to take control of her shitty life and rents an RV to go camping for the weekend. Boom. Another girl. At least it was by the same guy this time. He made sure with a paternity test. The two year old would cling to me. I would swing her around. I would do curls with her. I would jump on the trampoline with her. I taught her how to open lids and how to say the word “No”. She cried sometimes, but usually she was a radiant ball of laugher and happiness. A blonde joy that nobody could help but to love… When I looked down into her smiling, brown eyes all I could see was…

Some guys daughter.

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