The Traveling Gas Can Man

I was driving to the grocery store on the outskirts of town. Figured I’d pick up some beans for home made chili.  On the side of the road I spotted an unobtrusive looking fellow trundling along with a ten gallon gas can. Now I’m not much for philanthropy, but I will help someone out if it doesn’t really blow too big a hole in my day. Poor bloke, I thought. His vehicle must have stalled a few miles out of town. He probably humped his way into town with that gas can and now he’s on his way back. The least I can do is give him a ride for a few miles.

I rolled down the window and offered him a lift. He immediately, and enthusiastically accepted. This was the first thing that threw me off. Usually a self reliant man is hesitant to accept any handouts, even if they know its no skin off the other guys back. It just comes with an attitude of every man for himself. Not this dude. He just jumped in. I was about to ask if he could put the gas can in the bed, as Im not really a fan of having my cab smell like a refinery…  But then I noticed there was an installed buckle and hinges on the side. The entire side of the plastic gas can had been cut out to make a… Treasure chest?

Great. Just another crackpot. I decided to play dumb.

“Where did you run out of gas?”

“Oh, I didn’t actually.”


“See, Im the traveling gas can man. Im headed to Billings.”

He opened up his makeshift treasure chest to reveal… shit I can’t even remember now. Typical bum stuff. Just a rats nest of knick-knacks that most normal people wouldn’t think twice about throwing out. There was no way in Hades I was going to Billings. Its a 2 hour drive, and thats if you’re going 90 miles an hour.

“Well man, I hate to tell you this. But, Im just heading to the grocery store.”

“Oh thats ok. You can look me up on Facebook. “The Traveling Gas Can Man” Leave a comment and say that you drove me three blocks. I think that would probably be the shortest distance!”

I dropped him off at the highway and went to do my shopping. When I came out of the store he was still milling around out there. Another truck had stopped to offer him assistance. I returned home irritated and got online to look him up. The closest thing I found was a guy dressed in a foam gas can mascot outfit to advocate for the oil industry. There was no Facebook page.

Fuck you Traveling Gas Can Man. You are the reason nobody wants to help anyone else. You use deceit to pray upon peoples generosity. If you could just stick your thumb out and carry the trash in a backpack I could respect you. But noooo! You have to waste everybody’s time and hijack rides from people who weren’t in the market for a long term hitchhiker.

Heres some advice you faggot. Throw that gimmick on the fuckin burn pile. Stick your thumb out so you aren’t using deception to get what you want. Travel with people who are willing to give you a ride, all the way to Alaska. Go into a fish processing plant, and start gutting. In a few weeks you’ll have your own car. In a few months, you’ll be able to afford a place to live. In a few years you might actually look on con artists with distain…

As it stands now though… You are just another parasite. A pimple on civilizations ass. A dingleberry in societies butthole. Anybody who bothers pickin’ you, just gets shitty.


10 thoughts on “The Traveling Gas Can Man

  1. Well this is the traveling gas can man, When I returned to Billings, no problem thank you for your opinion everybody has one, I’m sorry you feel that way but if you look up all the people that like me you are the only one that had a negative opinion about me most people enjoy my company and I was very happy they pick me up unfortunately that was not you and I feel bad lots of people are going to read your post I feel that’s very offensive who my friends do you really have to use that language thank you for posting


    • Im very happy that you are quite popular, but I will stand by what I have written. I will continue to stand by what I have written until you can refute my argument.

      Do you, Bruce, or do you not, use deception to secure rides from otherwise unwilling sources?


  2. I just walked on the side of the road minding my own business and people stop and offered me a ride for them I am The Traveling gas can man and they can’t say no but once they get to know me there is no problem and there has never been a problem except with you I’ve been doing this a very long time and you are the only one that had a negative effect I’ve got friends now for 25 years that I’ve met this way and I’ve met some pretty good people on your stuff that I’m sure I will see you again so I’m sorry you feel that way and maybe next time we meet we will be friends because I have no enemies on this earth so hopefully everything works out for you. The gas can gas man 😁


    • Wow you know I have personally met the traveling gas can man he spends time donating blood helping people that don’t have much has a great job makes more money then will even think about been all around the world even Africa helping other people food banks help people does all the charitable runs you can possibly think of his certificate he has given 13 gallons of his own blood to help other people and his lifetime something that you can never possibly understand that takes a lifetime of commitment and you’re saying he’s a piece wow u really have no idea in the short time I’ve know him I’ve learned so much so before u open ur ridiculous mouth again think about stuff before you do ok buddy


  3. If you looked for him on Facebook you didn’t look very hard. I found him first shot. This guy is not looking for a hand out he is just trying to meet new people and exchange stories. You were not required to pick him up and didn’t you say you offered him a ride? On top of that you dropped him off on the highway and not the grocery store you said you were going to. Ill put the link to his page at the bottom of this post since you couldn’t find it. If your trying to be a credible critic you may want to consider using less vulgar language. As soon as you start calling names you undercut everything you say. Just my two cents.


    • Hey Tony. Thanks for commenting. Like I said. My problem with this guy wasn’t his lifestyle. My problem was his use of deception. From my experience, it’s pretty inarguable that he used deception to acquire rides. Hell… He even gimped along the road like he had a full load of gas in that can. Not a rat’s nest full of bullshit. What’s wrong with being honest with the world? I’ve given hitch hikers rides many times before. But they were at least honest that they would be with me for the long haul… I don’t know where I’m going with this one, but I find false witness to be the most unforgivable sin there is. Don’t lie. Don’t deceive. Be upfront with those you deal with.

      This blog is my attempt to change the world. Please be honest with me. I probably would have given him a ride. But dishonesty really rubs me the wrong way.


  4. Wow u must have not really talked to him he’s a great man its a very smart idea by the way he has a great job idiot and loves helping people out giving blood charitable runs been all over the world and has a bad ass truck not like ur ugly one lol u have no idea not a clue in the world


    • Well then why dosent he fucking get in it… And drive himself? Hes a god dam bum. That’s why. I don’t care how cool you think this con artist is. When you start our our social interaction with deception, I’m NOT going to like you. It’s pretty simple.


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