Not This Mans Best Friend

Don’t look at me with those helpless eyes… Ive worked real hard to shape my mind in such a way that I make the demon of guilt pass over me to affect others. When you look at me begging my attention though, I can’t help it. I feel guilty. I know the time you spend with me is the highlight of your entire life. Ive watched you grow from an adorable little puppy to a sturdy dog that can hold his own against the other two, despite your young age. I should train you. I should make you my dog.

I don’t wanna. I don’t give a shit about you Laddie. You’re a good dog. Friendly and full of puppy energy. You annoy me.

There must be something wrong with me. Dozens of men online and in real life expound on how awesome their dog is, and how fulfilling the time spent with them is. I don’t get it. To me you’re just an animal. Why can’t I appreciate your simplicity? Probably the same reason I find no entertainment value from professional sports. Maybe Im just not a team player. Who knows.

I do know one thing for certain though. If you don’t learn how to chase cows within the next couple months you will be out on your puppy ass faster than you can say “Its bacon!”


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