Easy Way Out

“Loser.”

“… Not you again.”

“I can’t even believe what I saw on Thursday night. You were in the zone! Everyone was your buddy. That chick was totally DTF. You were blowing smoke in her face and she was still leaning in. You used the pseudonym Emma, and then she magically appeared. A recently graduated child psychologist with 150 thousand dollars in student loan debt. It was a synchronistic masterpiece. The universe was trying to tell you something dude. She even laughed her ass off when you make a joke about CrackBaby Basketball. Then what did you do?”

“…”

“You got one booty call text and split. You piece of shit. Some playboy you are. All you are is a pair of balls bursting with semen. Is that what you are now? A fuckin booty call?”

“Hey. I was going for the sure thing. Yes, I was in set. Yes, she was definitely interested. But you don’t know what could happen, maybe she was just a cock tease.”

“You know what Im hearing? Maybe and But. Thats what you are. A MaybeButt.”

“Cut it out with the ad-homine.”

“Ad-Wha? Talk like a real person. What you did the other night was disgraceful. Remember what we identified as the number one trait of lesser males? Go on, refresh me.”

“Comfort seeking…”

“Thaaats right. Taking the sure bet. The ole tried-and-true. How do you ever expect to go anywhere if you can’t even stay focused and pull a bar skank without running off to momma.”

“I got laid didn’t I? This no wanking thing is rough. Throw lifting in on top of that and its like I have fire in my veins. Im tired of being a cranky ass, walking hard-on.”

“There you go again. Making excuses, and seeking comfort. You may have been able to talk me down last time, but you know I’m in the right here. Also, you’re not being cranky. You’re being dominant. You say how its done and people just do it. They may whine about what a tyrant you are, but in the end they have no gripes coming if they can’t come up with a better plan. Its called leadership. Get used to it.”

“…”

“Alright we’re done here. Oh and dude… Keep up with the rows. Your back is looking phenomenal.”

“… Thanks man…”

“Stay focused!”

“Right.”

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