Ive been getting up earlier. Every few days I bump it up a half hour. Today I had finished with work in the morning and was waiting for my meal at the local cafe. I was sitting in a booth on the side of the restaurant. As is my regular habit with booth seats, I spread my legs out across the whole seat to better utilize it. This left just my boots overhanging the edge of the seat. I was reading some really boring stuff in the newspaper and all seemed well. I hate to admit it, but I was really just dozing there. All seemed well. Then two women entered the restaurant. One of them was quite old, decrepit, and pale. Pretty standard for this town. Old people come here to die because its all they can afford. Well being on two feet was obviously quite a hassle for her so she takes the shortest possible route to a bench seat. This route was right by my booth. She tottered along, and ever so slowly, ran her left knee right into my boot.
Like a slow motion train wreck, she stumbled, bumbled, went down to the ground. But not before cracking her forehead on the table next to mine. I stood and witness the truly pathetic sight. I offered to give her a hand up. All she replied was, “I wanna go home!” I managed to drag her doughy ass off the ground and get her into a booth.
So all you He-Man-Woman-Haters, let this be a lesson. Manspreading is dangerous.