Inner Monologue During Church

Here we go again. Another fun filled morning of guilt and superstition. I wonder if my grandparents know I’m only doing this because they are going to croak any year now and I want to spend time with them… At least my hair looks good today. Is there such a thing as a “good hair day”? Why do we need to come here anyway? If God is everywhere, then what makes this building so damn special? I wonder if these posers even bother talking to God apart from getting on their knees to suck his dick. Ill sit. Ill stand. But I ain’t kneeling. … Oh Shit! She’s here! Talk about cutting it close.

“The lord be with you. … And also with you”

Aw… Wheres your sister? Im pretty sure she’s the one more interested in me. Isn’t that how it always works though? Ha! Thats right I’m eye fucking you hard. You better look away. Big ole boobs… probably C… and a half. Is that how bra sizes work? And that ass. Plump and curvey in all the right places. You definitely know how to buy modest clothing that shows you off well. That nose too. Its almost as big as mine. If we had a kid it would be the nose king of earth. You’re probably 17. Please let me be wrong. Please be 18. I know you’re going to age well by looking at your mom. When I first met your mom I thought she was my age and gave her some kino. How was I supposed to know she was the county attorney? Divorced three times. What is she even doing here? Aren’t there some rules against that? Black widow lawyer. Hmmm… maybe pursuing her is not the most prudent course of action. Aw screw it. Id be a fool not to try and tap that. Ill probably try to game you and end up taking your sister as a consolation prize anyway. Thats usually how my newbie game works.

“May almighty God forgive us our sins…”

Theres my second cousin Stanley. Why is everybody named Stanley in this town? You fat pretentious dumbass. Enjoy your new wife. Im looking at her right now jerkoff. She’s a hard six. I have it on good authority that she’s an insufferable slut. I can’t wait to see you at the next family gathering. The next time you passively aggressively insult me I’m going call you a fat pretentious dumbass in front of both our families. I know what will happen next. You will back off like the blue pill pussy you are and everyone will feign indignation towards me. Inside they will know you deserve much worse than that, and be secretly celebrating me for having the balls to call a bitch a bitch. “Oh he’s just Grody! Haha. You can’t take everything he says seriously.” Why will they be secretly cheering for me? Because they all know you followed the script to a T and subconsciously… everyone despises that. I hope your slut of a wife cuckolds you and divorces in five years. Can you even grow facial hair dude?

“Lord have meeeeercy! Christ have meeeeeeercy!”

I guess thats one of the core tenets of this religion. Policing your own thoughts. Am I having thoughts that are “bad”? Ha, probably. What a great way to control people. You can’t even be free in your own head! Ive seen things in this world that lead me to the conclusion that there is a method to the madness. I think God is trying to talk to us through coincidences. He subtly draws our attention to symbols in a way that communicates his point in a roundabout way. Maintaining plausible deniability at all times. That one thing? That one coincidence that took your breath away when you wondered how it was possible to see something so meaningful in random events? Sorry man, it was no coincidence. It was ordained. I don’t agree with policing your thoughts. With forcing things out of your head because they are “bad”. I do however think monitoring your thoughts is a good practice. What you think is what you get. It makes no sense to deny the nature God bestowed upon us. I was built to fuck and fight. So thats what Im gonna think about. Thats what I’m gonna do.

“Let us go in peace.”

Thank God.

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