Day 5 – Training Wheels

#NoNothingNovember has had its difficulties for me. As I mentioned before, I’ve been completely free of all these vices, but… I didn’t quit them all on the same day. Its time to take off the training wheels and go cold turkey on these subhuman practices of evil baby eaters.

In order from easiest to hardest

1. No chewing tobacco. – Knock me over with a feather, but this is the easiest so far. This is extraordinary to me because the first time I kicked this habit it literally ruined my day. Every day. For weeks on end. I can’t count how many times Ive heard people say “Quitting chew is harder than quitting heroin.” This is a retarded comparison on many levels that I won’t delve into right now, but I will say that its a lot more accessible than heroin. Think. What is right behind the counter, cheaper than dirt, at every gas station? Also, when you travel in certain circles, one or two of your homies will have a can on them at any given time. This makes it easy to bum a chew and completely lose all the progress you’ve made. A few weeks ago, when we were out riding fence, the crew and I ran into Billy. He was fixing fence for the neighboring ranch with a couple other riders. Billy’s lower right cheek was gone. It just… wasn’t there. There was nasty brown chew spit leaking into his raggedy beard. He insisted on giving me a half can of grizzly. I took it. What kind of fucking dumbass sees that and says “Sure, ill have some of the stuff that did that to you. Sign me up!” I had been quit for six months and noticed my teeth were whiter (with regular bruising of course) and my gums were growing back to where they were supposed to be. Im pissed that I ever fell back to doing it.

Training Wheels- Ive only chewed the nicotine gum twice in 5 days.

2. No Fap- When I first took the red pill and finally ended my dry spell, no fap was probably the most important ingredient to my success. Its pretty simple. You gotta have a nut saved up in order to take a chance at getting laid. Your own lethargy is your worst enemy. More energy. More focus. Better outlook. You see, a lot of people are delusional in assuming that everything they think and do is completely conscious. Its not. You are programmed. In the case of men, you are programmed to get rid of spunk. One way or another, its gotta go. So why fight your programming? Let it work for you. Well thats all fine and good if you’re not trapped in the countryside without a drivers license. I went back to looking at porn because I rationally decided I had no other outlet. But… I managed a few months ago to text a girl and get her to come out and ride horses. This led to her riding me. So, the moral of the story is to not be so impatient. Where there is saved up jizz, there is a way.

Training Wheels- —> Taylor Swift is on the news feed at bottom of screen. “Wow, her music sucks.” Clicks anyway. Then clicks images. Then follows link at top of screen to “Taylor Swift Legs” Realizes “Shit I’m basically looking at porn now.”

3. No sugary drinks- Holy hell this has been difficult. You don’t realize how much sugar water you drink until you actually start paying attention. Question. How many soft drinks have sugar in them? Answer. All of them. I want you to try a little experiment. Tomorrow, I want you to take note of how many times someone offers you sugar water. Im willing to bet its more often than once a day. For me, thinking of it as “Sugar Water” helps me to just say no to it. I just think of this guy.

Bring me sugar… And water…

Edgar is actually a giant cockroach. He wants sugar because its the purest form of biological energy in the galaxy. You don’t want to be like Edgar do you? Do yourself a favor and skip the sugar water. All sodas, Energy drinks, Gatorade and Powerade, Hot coco… They are all the same… Look in the ingredients list: Water, Sugar.

Training wheels- A big ass bag of Jolly Ranchers. What is the difference between me eating dozens of Jolly Ranchers and then drinking a big glass of water, as opposed to just snapping open a soda? Not much really. Its time to get with the intent of #NoNothingNovember.

All of these vices can be described with one five dollar word. Innocuous. Meaning: Not harmful or offensive. You will offend absolutely nobody if you indulge in these habits. No, none of them will be immediately harmful to you. But this brings up another closely related word Noxious. Meaning: harmful, poisonous, or very unpleasant. In agriculture noxious weeds need to be killed immediately. They sprout up everywhere and kill all the plants around them reducing crop yield, and all around lowering crop value as they have no inherent nutrition.

All these vices are Innocuously noxious. I have the willpower to stamp them out. So do you.

*Steps down from soapbox


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